


Chaos Rising

by rosievmc



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-05-25 12:32:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6195268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosievmc/pseuds/rosievmc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ai laik Clio kom Trikru, and everything I had known to be true no longer exists. I never expected Lexa to betray me. We had become two halves of a whole in order to survive the grief of losing Costia, we kept each other from crumbling - but then she left me to die. Skaikru's arrival may have fractured our peace, but the world was falling apart long before people fell from the sky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I’ve always had a vivid memory. Moments refuse to leave my mind, ingrained into every fibre that makes up the person that I am. It’s a blessing for when I misplace something, but it’s a curse when you can’t escape the image of your brother being dragged kicking and screaming away from you by people in strange yellow suits. The Mountain Men. They took my brother, and he never came home. There’s no real proof that he’s dead, but there isn’t much hope that he’s alive. 

I was eight when my brother was taken. I was nineteen when they came back and took me too. 

I’d been in the Mountain for around two months when Bellamy was shoved into the cage next to mine. I was near dead, and could barely move. Grounders don’t last long in the Mountain, used for their blood in an attempt to make the Mountain Men able to step out of their fortress home. I’d heard them talking, and it turns out that Grounder blood only worked for a few minutes. _Good_ , I thought to myself, _let this all be futile so you can never leave this place_. 

I had a best friend. She’s the Commander. I tried not to believe that she would leave me there to die, but after about a month I realised that she really wasn’t coming. She was actually going to let me die. 

* * *

I couldn’t open my eyes, and I certainly couldn’t manage to move. I heard my cage door swing open and some muttering between people, and then their footsteps fell away from me. Had everyone been released? It was too confusing to even comprehend, why would the Mountain release the Grounders? Unless they’d finally found a way to become immune to the radiation outside and it didn’t involve us or our blood. 

I grunted, but I could sense it was to an empty room. Typical, that my chance to escape had been thwarted by the fact that yet again, something was stopping me. I’d never been lucky, and now wasn’t going to be the moment that my luck changed.

I must’ve laid there for nearly an hour when I finally heard footsteps again, and then a cry of pain that sounded female. Sobs followed, and I couldn’t understand. I slowly managed to open an eye to see Bellamy’s face in front of mine.

“Clio, are you okay? Where is everyone?”  


I tried to open my mouth to speak but no sound came out. He looked worried, the hard lines of his face creased in worry as he snaked an arm around me and carefully lifted me out of the cage. 

“Monty, can you find her some clothes?” He asked quietly as I drifted in and out of consciousness in his arms. I was set down on the floor lightly and minutes later a piece of Mountain Men clothing was pulled over my head and engulfed my emaciated frame. I’d barely eaten in months, and I’d lost any muscle my already skinny body had ever had. I was a skeleton, a shadow of the strong self I had been before. I’d been a warrior, I’d trained alongside Lexa as a child, being prepared in case the spirit of Commander chose me, but it chose Lexa and part of me thinks now that the belief that the spirit chooses wisely is simply a load of crap. 

“Do you think you can stand?” The boy that must’ve been named Monty asked me, crouched down in front of me. 

I wanted to shake my head at him, and tell him that I wasn’t sure I’d make it out of here alive. But then I reminded myself, _I am Clio kom Trikru. My people believed I had a chance of being the next Commander, that makes me strong. I will not die in this Mountain._

When I opened my mouth I realised just how dry it was and almost choked on the words that followed, “I might need some help,” He offered me a small smile, but he couldn’t hide the worry on his face. 

“We need to meet Octavia at the intake door, come on we’ll take an arm each Monty.” They helped me up and it would’ve been a lie to say that I was holding myself up, bearing all my weight on the pair of them. When we stood, I could finally see where the sobs had come from. A girl, cradling the head of a dead man. Another boy crouched behind her with his arms around her shoulders as she sobbed softly, having quietened with time. 

“Jasper, Maya, come on we need to move.” Bellamy was doing his best to be sympathetic, but the urgency in his tone was certainly felt by all of us, regardless of his attempt to mask it.

The walk to the intake door was painful, and even with the support of two people I almost collapsed more times than I honestly care to admit. I was so unfit having lived in a cage for two months, so weak from the lack of nutrition that a simple walk almost defeated me. It made me feel pathetic, and empty. The Mountain had taken who I had been from me.

When the door opened, we were greeted by a girl with dark hair and grounder braids. She didn’t look like anyone I knew, and she looked like Trikru. “Bellamy!” She breathed in relief, reaching her hand out to touch his face. I sensed then, that this was his sister. Her features broke out into a wide smile at Monty and the other boy, “I knew it,” She laughed, prodding Monty’s side and grabbing hold of the other boy, Jasper’s cheek lightly, “You two are too scrawny to kill.” Bellamy’s sister looked a little confused at the the Mountain girl we’d brought with us, in her Haz-mat suit and then her smile dropped and as she tried to make sense of me.

“It’s alright, they’re both with us.” Jasper said reassuringly. 

“Octavia, help hold Clio up will you?” Bellamy asked and passed me onto her, heading over to the blonde that had been hovering behind looking like she was going to burst into tears. I didn’t hear the conversation that went on between the two of them, but they seemed like they were sharing the command of this strange little adventure that seemed to be going on. 

Bellamy turned back to us, “We need to talk to Dante.”  


“Maya says he’s in Quarantine.” Jasper answered, and he and Monty rushed over to the blonde and hugged her, calling her “Clarke!” 

I looked to Octavia and felt my brow furrow, why did she look like a grounder if she was Bellamy’s sister. “Trikru?” I asked her, trying not to waste my energy by constructing anything but simple sentences. She shook her head lightly at me and seemed a little upset by my question.  


“I don’t even know what I am anymore.” Was her response, and she looked to the floor. I decided not to press it any further.

We were interrupted by a beeping noise, and everyone turned to look at Maya. Jasper rushed back to her and looked at some device at her hip, “Eight minutes - we just changed it, that can’t be right. Ah shhh-” He turned to look at Bellamy and seemed panicked, “This is our last tank.”

“Um, well we’ll find you another one.” Clarke said, walking over to Maya and Jasper.

“All the supplies of oxygen are on level five.” Maya replied, biting on her lip worriedly.

“Then we’ll get you to level five.” I was starting to like this Clarke, she was my kind of person - there was no doubt in her voice, she would do whatever it took.  


“Five isn’t safe for any of us.” Maya said simply.  


“We’ll take the trash chute together, it’ll work.” Jasper seemed desperate now, his panic practically radiating from him. 

“And get in maybe, Maya’s right - every soldier in this mountain is there, we’ll never make it out.” Bellamy took few steps closer to Jasper and Maya, ever the pragmatic voice it seemed.

“We can do this, we’ll split up.” Honestly, at the moment I thought if anyone tries to stop this Jasper kid again he’s just going to lose it. 

“Ok, you guys go for Dante.” Octavia nodded her head at Clarke, Bellamy, Monty and I. “We’ll help Maya.” She passed me back over to Bellamy, but I was beginning to feel as though I could make it on my own but I didn’t feel like risking it. Octavia then pulled the sword from it’s sheath across her back and set off through the intake door, with Jasper and Maya in tow. 

The name Dante struck a cord with me, and I couldn’t quite place why. “Dante? Who’s that?” I asked, cringing at how husky my voice sounded, it almost didn’t feel like it belonged to me anymore.

“The former President of the Mountain.” Clarke answered simply as she stepped through the door and into the Mountain, followed by Bellamy and I and then Monty. 

Dante had been quarantined from the rest of his people, in a big white room so bright it hurt my eyes. He’d hung up painting upon painting, beautiful pieces of artwork that I had no doubt were from before the world was ripped apart by the nuclear apocalypse. 

Upon our arrival into his room, Dante was much older than I’d expected, and he appeared shocked to see us. He seemed weathered by his career as President, or maybe that was my delirious imagination from malnutrition and exhaustion. 

“Hello Clarke.” He said, keeping his voice even as though to mask his surprise.

“Sir, we need your help again.” If I’d had the energy, I would’ve elbowed Bellamy in the ribs for being polite to the former President of the Mountain Men. Did he not realise what a monster this man must be to order for grounders to be used like objects for their blood.

“It’s okay,” Monty said, stepping forward a little, “I took out the camera from the junction box in the hall, we can talk freely.”  


“No-one’s watching anyway, thanks to you they’re all on level five.” I couldn’t quite detect what it was hiding there in Dante’s tone - anger, admiration, or just disgust.

“You’re not.” Clarke didn’t seem interested in chit-chat with this old fella.

“No, I’m not.” 

“Please, we don’t have much time. We need a way to get out of this mountain without killing everyone.” Bellamy’s pragmatism was beginning to irritate me, how could be behave so respectably around a person like Dante. The man radiated ‘do not trust me’, he may as well have had it written across his forehead. 

Clarke clearly realised that too, as she sighed and took a step back, “He’s not going to help us.” 

“You cut the power, risking the lives of everyone in this mountain. My people, even the ones who helped you.”

Suddenly I felt a surge of rage through my weak body, and managed to emit a low growl at Dante. “What makes you think your people are worth saving?” I spat at him, thanking my husky voice for making me sound stronger than I felt. 

Bellamy turned to me and frowned, “Clio, be quiet. He’s our only hope to get out of this.” I narrowed my eyes at Bellamy and huffed, I would not be nice to this old monster.

“We knew your people would be safe on level five, we made sure not to destroy the turbines so you could repair them. We’re the good guys here, not you!” Clarke’s temper was rising, and I couldn’t hide that it was pleasing me to not be the only one seeing this man for what he was. 

“Tell me,” Dante began, “If we released your people and theirs,” He signalled his head towards me, “What would’ve happened to mine?” It was a pretty logical and fair question, there wouldn’t have been much hope for the Mountain men against an alliance of Grounders and Sky people, purely because that their fortress couldn’t hold forever. 

Clarke had clearly had enough of talking to Dante, and was taking matters into her own hands as she turned to Monty, “Can you get us into the command center? We need to see what’s happening on level five.”  


“No problem.” Monty replied with a small smile. Bellamy then transferred me to Clarke who slung her arm around me and offered the smallest of smiles at me although I could feel her dislike, she wasn’t very good at hiding it. 

“Let’s go,” Bellamy grabbed hold of Dante’s arm and began dragging him out of the room, “You’re gonna help us whether you like it or not.” 

* * *

Screens all around us began lighting up, and I watched a small smirk appear over Monty’s features. “The command center’s live.” He said, managing to hide his smirk from seeping into his tone.

We all scanned the screens, and when Clarke’s eyes fell on the screen showing her people handcuffed to walls she exhaled loudly and I felt her fear before it even showed on her face, “Oh my God.” She said as she settled me down on a chair. 

“Is that Raven?” Bellamy’s panic was obvious. I had no allegiance to the Sky people, but this was much worse than having your blood circulated around a mountain man, they were drilling into the skin of the Sky people, taking something from inside their bones.

“Mom,” Clarke had been scanning the faces of her people and come across her mother, and I couldn’t imagine what she was feeling. The only feeling I knew now was rage.

“Tell them to stop, now.” She demanded, turning to pick up a radio device and holding it out to Dante who was still in Bellamy’s grip. 

“I won’t do that.” Dante’s defiance was almost enough to give me the strength to stand just so I could tackle him to the ground, but my body was betraying me, forbidding me to move. 

“Emerson,” Clarke spotted a man she recognised, and pressed a button on the device, holding it up to her mouth, “Carl Emerson, Mount Weather security detail come in.” She released the button, and then Emerson’s voice came through.

“Who is this?”

“You know who it is, get the radio to the President.”

“They’re moving,” I said, watching Emerson begin to walk. 

“Not a problem,” Monty began pressing buttons, clicking away at the technology that was quite frankly leaving me baffled. “I’ll bring it on the main monitor,” a second later the largest screen in the room lit up, following Emerson as he moved into the room full of Mountain dwellers. He passed the radio to a man with dark hair, wearing a suit of those strange Mountain men clothes.

“This is President Wallace.” His voice came through the device in Clarke’s hand.  


“I have your father, if you don’t let my people go I’ll kill him.” I almost had to stop myself from laughing at how blunt she was, it was obvious what a desperate situation this was but I had no idea that the Sky people had it in them to be so savage - so Grounder-like. 

“How do I know you have him?” President Wallace asked.

Clarke held out the device to Dante and held the button down for him to speak, “Stay the course, Cage.” He told his son, defiant as ever.

“You won’t do it.” Cage stated, but he couldn’t see the look in Clarke’s eyes. I had no doubts she would do it, I could tell she didn’t want to, but she was on the verge of losing her mind if she were to lose her people and only an idiot would’ve doubted how desperate she was to save them. She cleared her throat, and took a deep breath. 

“You don’t know me very well. This ends now, release my people.” She demanded, her voice cracking a little with the strain of the pressure this was putting on her.

“I can’t do that.”  


“It would mean the end of our people, Clarke.” Dante interjected.

I cast a look over at Monty who looked horribly scared at what was going on, and what would be about to happen before our eyes. My attention was then caught by Clarke who pulled a gun from her hip and aimed it at Dante. Bellamy dropped Dante’s arm and shot to the side, out of Clarke’s aim. Monty stood from his chair and I pushed mine back away from her. 

“Clarke… we need him.” Bellamy was trying to reason with her, but I could see he was wasting his time.

“And I need his son to believe me.” She held down the button on the radio, “Don’t make me do this.”  
I turned to the monitor and watched Cage take a deep breath, “Dad, I’ll take care of our people.”

“None of us has a choice here Clarke,” Dante said, but it was obvious in his eyes that he knew what was to come. 

“I didn’t want this.” She said, tears filling her eyes.  


“Neither did I.” Dante’s final words felt a little meaningless knowing the kind of things that he had sanctioned his people to do to mine, but none of it mattered when Clarke pulled the trigger and he slowly dropped to the floor.

Clarke swallowed before she spoke again, holding the radio up to her lips. “Listen to me carefully, I will not stop until my people are free. If you do not let my people go I will irradiate level five. Cage listen to me, I don’t want anyone else to die. Stop the drilling, and we can talk. There must be a way we can all get out of this.” 

Cage didn’t respond on the radio, and his expression was hard. He said something to Emerson, and then Emerson walked off. This wasn’t a man who was about to be terrorised in his own home without a fight.

“Emerson’s coming for us.” Clarke said, seeming a little anxious. 

“They deactivated my keycard, can you do that to his?” Bellamy asked, turning to Monty and resting his hands on top of the control board. 

“That one’s easy,” Monty chimed as he set to work pressing buttons again.

“Hey, where’s he going?” I asked, pointing to the monitor showing Cage stomping off somewhere else, away from his people in the dining room of level five.

Clarke and Bellamy cast a look at each other and then all attention was cast to Monty, “Monty, can you do it, can you irradiate level five?”  
“I can do it.” The reluctance could’ve been felt a mile away.

“Clarke we need to think about this,” Bellamy closed the distance between himself and Clarke, looking her in the eyes. “There are kids in there.”

“I know.” Her tone was hard, irritated. Didn’t he realise that none of this was easy for anyone? Frankly, I wouldn’t have hesitated myself because I’d never forgive the Mountain for everything it had done to me - taken my brother, and now managed to take me away from myself.

“People who helped us,” He seemed to be pleading with her, but what other choice was there?

“Then please, give me a better idea.” She snapped back at him, and he had nothing to offer as his gaze fell to the ground in defeat.

On the monitor, Cage was pointing to a woman chained up to the wall and signalling to have her moved onto the table where they had been drilling into the girl Bellamy had called ‘Raven’. Clarke’s eyes widened, and she whispered, “What have I done?” I realised then, that the woman was her mother. 

“Clarke, if we do this there is no going back.” Bellamy was trying his hardest to think of any other option, I could almost see his brain working through his expression.  


“Do it.” I finally said. “Like Dante said, none of us have a choice here. Save your people, or watch them die.” 

Clarke nodded, and looked to Monty, “Figure it out.” 

I had always been a bitter sort of person, holding onto grudges like there was no tomorrow. It had always made Lexa and Costia laugh at me, they called me a bitter little elf. I’ve always been small in stature, but I made up for it in being unpredictable in a fight, adaptable and never really sticking to any one strategy. Whatever it took to win. To say that Lexa was virtually unbeatable wouldn’t be a lie, but I had her on the ground with a sword to her throat more times than she would ever admit to anyone. She’d underestimate me, and so did everyone else. But I guess I burned my track record down to the ground when I was captured by the Mountain.

I couldn’t hide the smirk from my face at the fact that these Sky people were really going to do it, they were going to erase the Mountain men from existence. I couldn’t wait. These people had taken enough from me and my people, it was their turn to suffer.

“No!” Bellamy cried, catching my attention and I followed his gaze to the monitor where his sister and the other two had been spotted by two of the Mountain people. He needn’t have bothered crying out in concern though as I watched Octavia handle her own, throwing her sword expertly straight into the chest of a guard, whilst sliding in to knock out the ankle of the other, giving her the time to retrieve her blade and slash it across his throat. 

“Impressive,” I breathed, “Guess you Sky people aren’t all completely useless with a real weapon.” Now probably wasn’t the time to insult them, but the words slipped out before I could stop them. It was refreshing to see that they didn’t all have to hide behind guns and technology. 

“They’ve gotta get out of there.” Bellamy said, ignoring my comment. Then there was a loud bang at the door, causing all four of us to turn our heads in its direction. 

“He’s here.” Clarke looked to each of us in turn, her eyes widened in panic that she wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding. 

“Jasper - they caught him,” Monty then stopped pressing buttons on the keypad in front of him and stared at it for a brief moment before Clarke barked at him.

“Why are you stopping?!”

“Because I did it, all we have to do is pull this,” He signalled at a lever in front of him, “Hatches and vents will open and the scrubbers will reverse, pulling in outside air.”  
The world felt like it was spinning at a million miles an hour, and as much as I wanted the Mountain Men dead for what they have been doing to my people for far too long, with no other choice and the knowledge that they were about to be erased from existence, I started to feel like I would vomit. Maybe it was just the malnutrition. 

“He’s gonna blow the door,” Bellamy informed us, holding out his gun and aiming it at the door where Emerson was doing his best to get to us. 

“Clarke! You’re out of time, do it.” I shouted, I didn’t spend two months in a cage to find myself killed by one lousy Mountain man because I wasn’t at fighting strength. 

Bellamy looked to the screen where Octavia was now surrounded by guards, and mumbled to himself before he crossed over to where Clarke had put her hand over the lever.    


“I have to save them,” She choked out, her eyes filled with tears.

“Together,” He said softly, looking at her with a sad glaze over his expression. 

Slowly, the lever moved with their hands and we could hear the reversal of the ventilation system, and then it started. The Mountain Men started to die. 

I felt liberated. There was an ounce of guilt in me because my escape relied on their deaths, but I couldn’t say that I cared all that much to have even considered another option if there had been one. The people of Mount Weather were weak, if they couldn’t survive the radiation it was only a matter of time before they died off anyway. All I could think about was the fact that I wasn’t going to die in that godforsaken place. I was free. But where did I have left to go with all that freedom? 

“Let’s go get our people.”  


But who are my people now?


	2. Chapter 2

Life in Arkadia is so different from anything I have ever known. But then again, everything has changed since the arrival of Skaikru to Earth, so it’s not really surprising that they would have almost a completely different way of life to that of any of the twelve clans. But at the same time, they’re not all that different either. It’s perplexing. 

It took around a month for me to be able to spend the whole day awake, and it took nearly two before my body started looking somewhat normal again. It’s been three months now, and I can actually stomach a normal sized meal again without throwing it all back up. I’m still not quite at the strength I used to be, but I’ve been pushing myself a little further every day with Octavia, determined to become worthy of my own blood. I am a Nightblood, and I will never be weakened like that again. 

Today though, Octavia doesn’t feel like training in front some of the other Arkers. Bellamy and Lincoln have taken to teaching some of them to fight, the ones that are smart enough to turn up to these lessons anyway. Having Lincoln back in my life has been the reason I didn’t give up. He was my brothers best friend, and he stepped in as my surrogate brother when he was taken. He’s kept me from falling apart more times than I can count and this has been no exception. 

I stand on the sidelines, leant up against the wall as Bellamy and Lincoln fight. For an Arker, Bellamy is impressively strong and I have to stop myself from staring too long at his sweat-covered torso. Watching a fight is mesmerising to me, it always has been. I threw my first punch at around two years old, straight into my brother’s face. He used to call me his little lion, and it fits, because my name is almost spelt the same as the english word. Just when it seems like Bellamy’s going to win this one, Lincoln has a vice-like grip on his forearm and flips Bellamy’s whole weight over his back and straight onto the floor, he drops to one knee with a fist held inches from Bellamy’s face. It takes a second for the aggression from the fight to fade from their faces, but then they smile at each other and Lincoln lets him up. 

“He had me, but he was too aggressive.” Lincoln says as Bellamy paces over to the bench and picks up his shirt. 

“Whatever you say,” He retorts, pulling his shirt over his head as the room chuckles quietly. I’m told that Bellamy Blake has always been arrogant, and that even though the ground has softened him around the edges, you can still see the man he used to be. 

“Quitting so soon?” Lincoln asks, and I push myself off the wall and take the few steps it takes to put me at Lincoln’s side. 

“Mapping run, sector seven.” I say with a small smile, laying my hand on his arm in an affectionate way.

“Harper, lets get this over with.” Bellamy says, and Harper throws a dark jacket toward Lincoln who catches it easily with one hand.

“Council wants you to have that,” Bellamy explains as I look down at the jacket in his hand, a guard uniform. Lincoln and I exchange glances, and my brow furrows. 

“I’m Trikru,” He says simply in response. Neither of us has felt like we truly belong here, as much as we have settled into their way of life. I can only guess the obscenities that will spout from Octavia’s mouth when she sees this.

“Uniform doesn’t change that, this is our home now Lincoln, we fought for it.” Bellamy says warmly, before turning to the others who are watching us, “Too many of our friends died for it. On the ark this uniform meant something different, down here, it means what we make it mean, together.” I’ve heard one too many of Bellamy’s inspirational speeches in my three months in Arkadia, and so I struggle to stifle the groan that threatens to leave my lips. He turns back to us and says in a lower tone, “My sister will understand that eventually.” Bellamy turns and starts to head back over to the bench where his belongings lay.

Lincoln follows him, and I turn to the others and smile, “Pair up and fight, now.” I guess Lincoln is a little too preoccupied to remember that he’s teaching a class. I pad over to the pair of them as the Arkers follow my instructions.

“Hey, sector seven? That puts you right at the Ice Nation border.”

“And your point is?” I say, interrupting Bellamy’s “I know.”

“Just because Azgeda is part of the commander’s coalition doesn’t mean they respect a ceasefire, I should be on that scout.” Lincoln says, leaning in as though that would express his sincerity. 

“I wish, we all do but…” Bellamy trails off and sighs, 

“You’re not safe to leave Arkadia, Linc. None of us is willing to risk your life.” I place my small hand over his and look up at him and he tries his hardest to keep his expression stony, but he always softens around me, in the way only a brother can. 

“Until the Commander agrees to lift the kill order on you, you’re more trouble than you’re worth.” Bellamy says and pulls on his uniform jacket. “Come on Clio, let’s go.” 

“Nou get yu daun, Lincoln. I’ll see you for dinner,” I stand on my tiptoes and press a kiss to Lincoln’s cheek before I follow Bellamy out of the training room and into the hallway. 

_Don’t worry, Lincoln._

Part of me feels as though I owe my life to Bellamy, for lifting me out of the cage I was near-dying in in Mount Weather, but I try not to show him this too often, scared it might inflate that ego he apparently used to have. I also have never been particularly great at showing gratitude. We’re a little way down the hallway away from the training room when he finally speaks.   


“Lincoln worries a lot, doesn’t he?” 

“He’s lost a lot of people he loves.” I say with a light shrug. But who hasn’t? 

“So have you,” He says, glancing my way for a brief moment. I haven’t really let too much slip about myself in the three months I’ve been here, not wanting the Arkers to see any moments of weakness from me other than physically, but that’s been unavoidable. 

“What would you know about me?” I kink an eyebrow at him and stop in my tracks, turning my body to face him.

“I can just see it on you, it’s written all over your face.” He says simply, stopping too and turning to look at me. I try my hardest to tell the feeling in my stomach to quit it, Bellamy’s sad eyes shouldn’t be enough to make me feel positively towards him. Stupid, weakened state of mind. I blame the Mountain.

I roll my eyes, “Well shit, guess I better work on hiding it better.” 

He laughs quietly and shakes his head and I start walking again, “I’ll go find Octavia. Meet you at the doors.” 

* * *

I'm sat in my room, changing my boots before I head out to find Octavia when a voice comes from the doorway, “Hey, Lio.” Octavia stands there, leaning against the doorframe with a small smile on her face, “Feelin’ up to a fight?”

I can’t help but roll my eyes at her, she has been loving every second of training me back up to full strength, and mostly because she’s been consistently beating me for most of it. That track record is beginning to waver though, but her fierce determination to keep hold of her title is something that has made her my friend. I respect determination, it’s one of the most honourable qualities as person can have, it’s perhaps the most important in keeping you alive. 

“We haven’t got time right now, when we get back though?” I say, standing from my bed. I walk over to the cabinet at the side and pick up my blade in it’s sheath, and sling it over my back where it falls between my shoulder blades, feeling familiar and somewhat comforting. 

She laughs, “You’re just scared to lose, yet _again.”_ She teases, and I give her a gentle shove as I pass by her in the doorway. 

“Ai hod yu in, ba yu nou laik skrish gon ai, ai lukot.” I retort in trigedasleng. 

_I love you, but you ain’t shit against me, my friend._

We head to the stables, where Octavia saddles up her horse and easily mounts it as though she’s been riding all her life. I’m constantly surprised by how quickly she’s taken to grounder life. And I follow suit, mounting the black mare I have claimed as my own from Arkadia’s small collection of horses. We ride over to the doors where the others will emerge in their vehicle. And sure enough, the doors open a moment later.

“Try to keep up!” Octavia shouts to the car before she turns her horse and digs her heels into his side, sending the chestnut off at a canter, and I follow closely behind on the my own horse. 

Octavia and I lose ourselves in the ride and don’t say too much until the vehicle behind us grinds to a halt, I turn my head and shout Octavia’s name as I steer back to where they’ve stopped and dismount. Walking over to the truck, Octavia catches up to me.

“Don’t tell me we missed the party,” Octavia says as she pulls open the back door of the truck. I stand next to her, my arms folded over my abdomen. 

“Sector eight,” Monty says as he turns to look at us.  


“That’s Ice Nation,” Miller confirms what I had already suspected. I still haven’t managed to work out where all these sectors the Skaikru have organised the land into, but I could already sense we weren’t too far from Azgeda land. 

“What about it?” Octavia asks.   


“Protocol says we go home, let the Chancellor decide what to do next.” Raven says from behind the steering wheel of the truck. I instantly roll my eyes at the thought of obeying Arkadia’s ‘protocol’. We’re so close to whoever has that beacon they’ve detected, what’s the point in turning back?

“Who cares about protocol?” I say, raising an eyebrow at them all. Octavia casts me a conceited smile.  


“Screw protocol. The chancellor's not from farm station. Monty is. So is Miller's boyfriend. It's your call.” Bellamy says, ever the leader of this little pack we’ve formed. A moment of silence passes, before Monty speaks.

“Let's do this.”

“You have to ask?” Miller chimes in with a raise of his eyebrows.

Bellamy turns to Octavia and I, and mocks Octavia, “Try to keep up.”

* * *

When the truck in front of us finally comes to a halt, Octavia and I dismount and leave our horses hitched next to it.

“These woods must be the border.” Bellamy says as he jumps out of the vehicle, casting a quick look at me before he heads forward. He always seems to be watching me, probably expecting me to collapse in a heap. 

“So where's all the ice?” Jasper asks, and I can’t hide the disgust from my face at his behaviour. He’s the only one of this little group I haven’t taken to one little bit. He lost his girlfriend, sure, but that doesn’t warrant acting like an ass to everyone else in my book. 

“Much further north, idiot.” I say, throwing him a dark look which doesn’t seem to even affect him. 

“Azgeda stretches for a thousand miles.” Octavia adds, and when her eyes find mine it seems as though she tries to tell me to can it, Jasper loves nothing more than to cause a fight at the moment. 

“Good thing we only have to go 200 meters,” Monty then pipes up, looking down at the radar device in his hands.

“Slow down. Remember, rules of engagement are nonlethal force.” Bellamy reminds us as we head forward, my hand falls down to my hip where I keep a small dagger strapped to me. 

“Tight formation on my command. Raven, you stay in the rover.” Bellamy instructs, and I’m reminded of the first time I met him when he was locked in the cage opposite mine in Mount Weather. I’m not sure I would’ve ever pinned him as this natural a leader when he was weakened by the Mountain’s decontamination process.

Raven steps out of the vehicle with a little difficulty, but no lack of determination. “Yeah, right.” She says sarcastically, and rolls her eyes. 

“We need every gun we've got.” Octavia says, looking back at her brother. 

“They're coming. 120 meters... 110.” It’s a this point that Bellamy raises his gun and aims it in front of him toward the trees where the beacon signal is coming from, “They're our people. What are you doing?” Monty asks urgently, shocked that Bellamy and now Raven would hold up their weapons at whoever has hold of that beacon. 

“We hope they're our people. On my command.” Bellamy says, stepping forward. I move my hand from my waist and reach back for the blade resting between my shoulder blades, pulling it from it’s sheath and holding it out in front of me. The neighs of horses and men shouting meets our ears, and within seconds Azgeda appear on horseback.

“Ice nation?” Bellamy asks in a quiet voice.

“Yes. White war paint.” Octavia informs the others, but I would recognise an Azgeda anywhere. I can feel my blood pulsing in my ears, it’s been a while since I was face to face with a member of the Ice Nation - the clan with which my own people have a very strained relationship. It was Ice Nation who killed Costia, one of my dearest friends. I have never met one I liked very much, but maybe I’m biased from experience. 

“Stay calm.” Octavia says quietly, stepping forward towards the men who have halted their horses. 

“Chon yu bilaik?” The one closest to us asks. 

_Who are you?_

“Skaikru. Ste lufa osir kru au.” Octavia answers before I can even open my mouth. To say that the Ark hasn’t been on Earth all that long, she’s picked up Trigedasleng remarkably, Lincoln always was a good teacher though.

_Sky people. We’re looking for our people._

“Ste lufa Wanheda au.”

_They’re looking for Wanheda._

“They think we're looking for wanheda.” I say, my brow furrowing.

“Who's that?” Bellamy asks, his expression worried. 

“I don't know.” Octavia’s face scrunches in a hard frown and I take a step closer to her.

“Wanheda is the Commander of Death, but who that is, I’ve no idea.” Of course, as Nightblood I knew every legend our people had ever even thought of, but I hadn’t heard of a Wanheda actually existing for almost a hundred years, since Earth was made what it is now.

“The light. That's the beacon.” Monty whispers to us, and in a second Jasper struts past him admist a failed attempt to stop him from Bellamy. “Hey, get back here.”

Monty and Raven protest, both asking him what on earth he is doing, and Octavia tries to grab hold of him as he passes her, “Jasper…” but her grasp is ripped from his arm as he walks past, but turns and flaps a hand at her.

“It's ok. I got this.” He says, practically stumbling from how drunk he still is.

“Tell them we observe the commander's truce. Do it now.” Bellamy almost shouts urgently, terrified that the man will strike at us.

“Osir gouba ogonzaun kom Heda in.” I say, and the word Heda feels funny in my mouth, like a foreign concept because it is Lexa. The Heda is Lexa. I hadn’t thought about her in at least a few weeks and now I almost throw up at the thought of her. Her dark hair, her wide green eyes. There’s an ache somewhere in me that misses her, but every time it surfaces, it’s soon replaced by a burning fury that longs to seek some sort of repayment for what she did to me.

“This belongs to us.” Jasper says as he snatches the beacon from where it’s tied to the Azgeda man. In a flash, he has Jasper in his arms, a knife pressed to his throat as he shouts at us.

“Weron Wanheda kamp raun?”

_Where is Wanheda?_

“Breik em au!” Bellamy growls at the man, his face held up close to his gun as he aims at him directly.

_Let him go!_

“Nou! Osir nou get in chon daunde bilaik! Beja.” Octavia tries to plead with the man, holding her hands out in front of her.

_No! We don’t know who that is! Please._

I notice Jasper’s distorted smile as he feels the blade pressed against his skin, he wants this. He wants the pain, I’m not sure he wants to actually die but anything physical that will distract him from the emotional pain is what he is aiming for. 

“Yo vout in dison ste leyos?” The Azgeda man says, pressing his blade into Jasper’s neck, drawing blood.

_You think this is funny?_

All hell breaks loose. Bellamy fires first, hitting the man in the shoulder and then I can’t keep track of who fires and where they hit, and I’m stood frozen, offering no real help. I feel paralysed, and I’m so ashamed of that. I am not worthy of my Nightblood in this moment. The sound of gunfire brings back thoughts I just don’t think I can handle, and I can’t breathe.

“Hold your fire! Breik em au!” Bellamy shouts, and I feel as though I might collapse, but whatever strength I have left in me keeps me stood up. I finally breathe again. 

“Jasper, get down.” Octavia calls, then throws her blade directly into the abdomen of the Azgeda man, and his hands close around the blade as he drops to his knees and dies. 

A voice comes from Bellamy’s radio, “Rover one, come in. Repeat, rover one, come in now.”

“What now?” Bellamy groans as he answers it. 

Octavia and Monty’s expressions are hard, or at least as hard as Monty can muster, as they chastise Jasper but I stay rooted to the spot, my sword dropping to my side. Raven approaches me, and places her hand against my upper arm. “You okay, Clio?” 

I shake my head as though to clear the cloud that has fallen over me in that moment of combat, and offer her a smile, “Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” I exhale loudly in an attempt to relax and we head over to the others.

“We had to shoot 3 ice nation scouts. Covert, sector 4. Copy. Can you tell me what's going on?” Bellamy says into his radio.

“When you get here. Over and out.” It’s Kane on the radio, and we all exchange worried looks. Why has Kane left Arkadia unexpectedly?

“Sector 4? Why is Kane so far outside the wall?” Raven asks, her gun at her side. It’s not a question anyone can even come up with a predicted answer for apparently, and Bellamy returns to taking charge.

“Take him home.” He says, nodding his head towards Jasper, who’s face seems to be draining of whatever colour it had. I return my blade to its sheath across my back, and all I can think about is the fact that I completely froze those few moments ago. I’m internally cursing myself to the moon and back, and Lexa’s face comes to mind knowing how if something like this had happened when we were younger she’d have been rolling around on the floor laughing at me for being a coward and it would’ve made me feel so much better to laugh about it rather than dwell, which I am only going to do now. 

“I'm fine. Thank you for asking.” He retorts, and I give him a shove.

“Shut up, Jasper.” I say, before retrieving my horse and climbing up onto her back, not needing to be asked twice to return to the safety of Arkadia. 

* * *

By the time we get back to Arkadia, Jasper’s getting worse from the cut on his throat. Octavia wraps her arm around Jasper’s shoulders and rests him up against a wooden pillar. “Jasper’s hurt! What took you so long?” She shouts as Abby comes racing over.

“What happened?” She asks, moving the makeshift bandage away from his wound to take a closer look.  


“Azgeda is what happened.” I say as I dismount from my horse, keeping hold of the reins and giving her a gentle pat.   


“Get him to medical.” Abby says, sending Jasper off with her colleague. She takes the few steps over to where Raven is still sat on the Azgeda horse, and the worry in her eyes is impossible not to notice as she asks the question she doesn’t want the real answer to. “Clarke?” 

Raven looks down for a second then shakes her head, we still have no idea where Clarke is. 

I turn away at that moment and notice Octavia’s stance as she stares at Lincoln in his new uniform. “Os oukou.” She says in a low voice before she turns to Raven and moves toward the horse, “Do you want me to take him?” 

_Nice jacket._

“It’s okay, I’ll bring her” Raven says, leaning forward to give the grey a gentle pat. Octavia looks at me for a moment before she shrugs and we walk off with our horses, putting them in their respective stables and untacking them.

“Go easy on Linc,” I say finally, starting to feel the awkwardness of our silence enough to actually speak. I know I’m in dangerous territory talking about Lincoln to Octavia, but I’ve known him for so long that I can’t actually remember the first time I met him, and I’ve grown pretty attached to Octavia in the short time I’ve lived in Arkadia. I care about both of them. “He’s just doing his best to fit in somewhere.” I hold up my hands as Octavia whips around with a hard expression aimed directly at me, “Look I’m not telling you what to do O, I just know that he isn’t doing this to get to you. He’s just trying to do what he thinks is best.”

She frowns, and remains silence for what feels like a lifetime. “But we don’t fit in here.” Octavia says, looking down at her feet for a second before she sighs and looks back up at me. “I know you know what that feels like too, Lio.” 

“We’re doing the best we can with what we’ve got.” I shrug, Arkadia is our only option at the moment. Well, unless I felt like leaving Lincoln behind but that isn’t something I’ve really considered. I never really got on well with my parents or sisters, and I’m sure they’ve moved on with the belief that I am dead. “At least it’s some form of a home.”


	3. Chapter 3

I hear Octavia before I see her, as she rushes past me with Lincoln following closely behind with a guard, and between them is Nyko. Nyko, who I haven’t seen in almost a year. I drop the book I have in my hands to the floor without even thinking, racing after them into the medical centre wanting to know what has happened to Nyko.   
“Abby, Abby it’s Nyko.” Octavia says in a panicked voice as she enters the room. Lincoln and the guard carry Nyko’s weight into the room and they lift him up onto the bed Abby had been already stood next to.

“He said it was Azgeda, the Ice Nation.” Lincoln explains, and I feel myself suck in a breath. Who else would it have been realistically? I make a mental note to kill every member of Azgeda that ever crosses my path again - first Costia, and now they were attacking more members of my clan. 

“Where?” Abby asks as she starts to move Nyko’s clothing aside to inspect his wound in his lower abdomen.

“We don’t know,” Lincoln responds, and I can almost feel the disappointment in his voice that we don’t know where the men that did this are. He’d have to beat me to finding them to get any sort of weapon against live flesh, if we had any sort of clue. 

Abby’s colleague, Jackson, has his fingers pressed against Nyko’s wrist, “His pulse is weak, and he’s burning up.”  


“Clotting has stopped the flow, but he’s lost too much blood.” Abby ascertains, and Jackson responds immediately with some sort of device that takes a drop of Nyko’s blood. It beeps at us, and I watch Abby pressing gauze against Nyko’s wound to protect it.

“RH Null.” Jackson says, and the look that he and Abby exchange makes my stomach drop, and I don’t even understand what Jackson means by RH Null but their faces tell me it’s not good. 

“What’s wrong? We’re universal donors. Here. Take Mine.” Octavia rolls up her sleeve and holds out her arm across the table towards Abby. 

“No, you can’t. RH Null can only take RH Null.” Abby explains to us, and Lincoln and I both reach our arms across the table for Jackson without even saying a word. 

Jackson tests Lincoln first, and silently shakes his head after the machine beeps. Then he presses the machine to my arm and I crinkle my nose slightly as I feel it prick my skin, and then the beep comes. And Jackson shakes his head again, and lowers his eyes to the floor. 

“Well, I don’t understand.” Octavia begins, exasperated, “Can you save him or not?” 

“Not here.” Jackson says, looking at no-one but Abby as he speaks. It seems like he’s suggesting something, but I can’t even begin to think of what it might be. 

“Jackson… wait.” Abby warns, clearly needing no explanation to understand what her colleague is suggesting.  


“What is he talking about?” I demand, wondering why we’re still stood around a fading Nyko when there’s a way to save his life we could be undertaking. 

Clearly paying no attention to the warning that Abby is issuing, Jackson explains to us, “I’m talking about Mount Weather.” I stop breathing at the mention of that place. “The medical facilities in that Mountain are state-of-the-art. They relied on blood to survive. It’s all still there.” 

I slam my hands down against the table as I feel my knees weaken, and I grip onto it for dear life as I try to start to breathe again, afraid I’m going to suffocate. All of their eyes fall onto me and I manage to push out a breath, but the nausea shows no signs of leaving me. Lincoln places his hand over mine and I try to smile, mostly at the fact that his hands completely dwarf mine. He says nothing, knowing I don’t want to say anything about the fact that I still can’t handle the idea of the Mountain. 

“You want me to bring a Grounder into Mount Weather for a transfusion? They killed thousands of people for that blood, Jackson.” Abby’s expression hardened and it was almost possible to read the strain on her face of the internal argument she was having with herself. Entering Mount Weather would not send a good message to the twelve clans, it was seen as a place of death and destruction. I was surprised they hadn’t sent an army in there to trash the place yet really. 

“We can’t just let him die, Abby. We’re doctors.” Jackson pleads. 

“I am not just a doctor!” Abby lets out, angry at the situation, rather than any of us.

“Maybe you should be.” Jackson says in a low voice, letting his eyes drop to the floor again. 

“Lincoln, you said to me yesterday that even our supply runs were putting us at risk. They were jeopardising our peace.” Abby turns her head toward Lincoln, the stress written all over the frown on her face.

“Yeah?”  


“How would you advise me now? You too, Clio?” Abby asks the both of us, the only two grounders conscious in the room as Nyko had faded out with his blood loss. 

Lincoln looks down at me, no words really need to pass between us to make this call. We can’t let Nyko die. 

“Save him. We can’t lose him.” I say, before Lincoln can even speak. I think it surprises him, because he knows I’ve woken up every night for the past three months having night terrors about that place. The place we’re going to have to enter now to save Nyko. 

“Get him ready for transport.” Abby says, and Jackson turns away and begins following Abby’s command. 

I take a step back from the bed and sit down on the one behind me, pulling my hands through my hair and then back up to my face where I cover it up, resting my elbows against my knees. 

“Lio, you don’t need to come with us to the Mountain.” I hear Octavia’s voice softly next to me, and I sit back up and look at her, doing my best not to let the fear seep into my expression. 

“I’ll be fine. I need to do this, and doing it for Nyko will help me not fall apart in there.” I say to her, resting my head against her shoulder. I sigh, wishing for the girl I used to be to return. But somewhere along the way she got horribly, horribly lost. “I hate this person I’ve become, O.” I say in a small voice, lifting my head from her shoulder and looking down at my hands in my lap. 

“You’ll get back to her, it just takes time. Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim, remember?” Octavia says, placing her hand over one of my own. “Plus, you’ve got a great training partner.” She smirks at me, and I’m grateful for her trying to lighten the mood a little. 

_Get knocked down, get back up._

“Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim,” I agree.

I spend the truck ride over to the Mountain trying my hardest to focus just on Nyko’s face, one of my small hands gripping onto his larger one. Abby and Jackson constantly check him, worried we might lose him on the drive over there but it doesn’t take long before we’re lifting him out of the back of the truck on the stretcher we’d moved him onto and carrying him toward the Mountain. I hang back, watching them all walk into the Mountain. When Octavia reaches the door she notices I’m not right behind her and turns to look at me. She smiles a little, and waits whilst I compose myself and carry on walking. 

With every step further into the barely lit corridor I feel my chest tighten and I can’t quite manage to breathe properly, but I force myself to continue. A Nightblood must not be afraid of anything, let alone suffer from fear of a threat that no longer even exists. The Mountain Men are dead, they cannot put me back in one of those cages. Cages. I smack a hand out against the wall to hold myself up as I feel my knees threaten to give out at the memory of living in that cage. I take a deep a breath as I can and close my eyes tight but that only makes it worse, all I can see is the bars of my cage. I force my eyes open and find Octavia stood only a step away. She knows I want to do this myself, but I can see her desperately wanting to say something to try and help. 

I force my legs to work, pushing myself forward through the corridor with Octavia ahead of me, trying her hardest not to look like she’s loitering for my sake even though we both know she is. I’m thankful though, still not convinced that I won’t collapse on the floor and have a panic attack in this hellhole. 

By the time we make it to the blood treatment rooms that were used for the Mountain Men, I’m starting to feel a little less nauseous, but that doesn’t stop me from finding the nearest bed and sitting down on it. Putting my head between my knees while I try and slow my heart rate back to normal with not all that much luck. 

I’m roused by a hand on my shoulder, and when I look up Lincoln is knelt in front of me. 

“Ste yuj, Kleio.” He says my name with that grounder harshness that I haven’t heard properly in months, and it makes me feel like I’m home. I almost forget that I’ve lost my connection to my people, that I haven’t felt like I belonged from the moment the Mountain took me and bundled me into that tiny cage. 

_Stay strong, Clio._

“Linkon,” I say in a small voice, pressing my hand to his face with a sad smile. “Ai laik ogud.” 

_Lincoln, I’m okay._

He doesn’t look all that convinced, but he nods and then stands up to move to sit next to me on the bed and I rest my head against his shoulder as he wraps an arm around me. 

“Do you think he’ll be okay?” I ask, looking over to where Abby and Jackson were working on Nyko, setting up his blood transfusion.

“I have to believe that, I can’t lose him.” Lincoln says quietly, and presses a kiss to the top of my head because he knows that I really don’t want to lose Nyko either. I close my eyes, and try to will away the fear that is lingering somewhere in the pit of my stomach. It’s eased by Lincoln’s presence, but I’ve always found being around him creates some kind of calm in me. He was the only person who could stop me from falling apart when I lost my brother, not even Lexa and Costia could hold that achievement to their names, but it hadn’t been something that they’d been able to deal with easily. I’d withdrawn from everyone when I lost Zico. I couldn’t see a world without my big brother, the boy who had protected me from everything that could’ve ever hurt me, except he could never protect me from losing him. My little sisters were too young to really understand, and they’d always been closer to each other than they had Zico and I. 

The thought of my sisters made me feel guilty. They were the only thing that tempted me to go home, to take them away from our father. 

My father had been a good man once, but he’d seen too much cruelty and suffering in his life and eventually it soured him. When Zico was taken, it was the last straw. My father was no longer the man who I thought I knew, the man who had carried me around on his shoulders and made me laugh so hard I couldn’t breathe. He became something much darker, and I never saw him smile again. All I ever saw in his eyes after that was anger, and something that I always assumed was pain. 

Little Nova, with her bright blonde hair that glowed like pure light. Her ocean coloured eyes always stunned me, wide and shining with some otherworldly wisdom that I wasn’t sure I’d understand. Eziah was always much quieter than our youngest sibling, she would watch people with a stare that couldn’t hide the way she judged everything and anything. She was equally as beautiful, with blue eyes that were so piercing they felt like a shard of ice. My sisters, who I haven’t seen for almost six months now if not longer. My sisters, who probably think I’m dead.

Abby approaches us, and places her hand on Lincoln’s shoulder lightly. “He’s waking up,” she says quietly, and doesn’t even have time to turn around and walk back to Nyko before Lincoln is up and at his side. He takes Nyko’s hand and rests his free hand on the same arm, I follow Lincoln to Nyko’s side and perch at the very end of the bed next to his feet. 

“Mounin, bro.”

_Welcome back, brother._

“Maun-de?” Nyko asks, his voice hoarse.

_ The Mountain? _

“Wonwe noumou na kep yu klin.” Lincoln replies, and as I look at his expression I can tell he’s still not on board with the fact that this was our only option in saving Nyko’s life. I can’t say I’m exactly for it either, but part of me thinks that’s only because of my grudge against the heinous crimes against living human beings that occurred here.

_Only way to save you._

Nyko doesn’t seem to be too concerned about the fact that we have put the Mountain’s resources to use, and he turns his head to look at Abby on the other side of his bed. “Thank you, Abby.” 

“When can we move him? Doesn’t look good for us to be here.” Lincoln starts, itching to get away from this place. His life is already hanging in the balance as it is with a kill order issued against him, but being here makes that threat even more risky.

“This place just saved his life,” Jackson exclaims, a little insulted from what I can gather from his expression. 

“It’s not that simple. Our people…” Lincoln falters, pained by the idea of what our people have done to us, issuing his kill order isn’t even the half of the pain that they can and have inflicted for generations. 

I take over, and look to Jackson, “They won’t see this place for it’s potential, all they see here is death. The death of grounders that the Mountain Men caged up like animals and used for their convenience.” 

“Our people are wrong, and we can change their minds. Places are not evil, people are.” Nyko looks at me and offers a small hopeful smile, but I’m not entirely convinced. How can we change almost a hundred years of tradition, how can we alter an entire community’s mindset? 

“Abby, this place, it could do so much good for our people and theirs.” Jackson says in a quieter voice, the hope practically overflowing from his features.

Lincoln and Nyko exchange a look, and then they both turn their heads and look straight at me for some kind of reassurance, maybe its because I dealt first hand with living in this place, but honestly I can’t quite comprehend why they look at me for any sort of resolution.

“We have to find hope somewhere.” Lincoln says, and I nod my head. He’s right, but I’m not quite ready to admit that yet.

“Okay.” Abby says finally, after spending a few moments looking down at the floor, her expression showing that she was trying to find the right answer to this question before us. 

“Okay what?” Jackson says, trying not to let the joy light up on his face in case he’s just hearing things.

Abby turns to him and takes in a deep breath before she says, “Okay. Let’s open it up.”

I feel something that feels like dread in the pit of my stomach, but I say nothing and push it aside - it’s probably just the fear eating away at me still. Abby and Jackson walk a little way off away from us, giving us some privacy.

“Clio, it’s good to see you survived this place.” Nyko says, sitting up a little in the bed with Lincoln’s help.   


I smile at him shyly, not wanting to admit that I only survived because of the Sky people, still ashamed that I had been so weak, and was still recovering from that weakness. “It wasn’t exactly easily done.” I admit however. 

Nyko nods, and I’m sure he’s heard of the horrors that occurred here from the other grounders who were released when the Mountain was taken down. 

“Are you sure we can convince our people that this place is worth keeping?” Lincoln asks, sitting back onto the bed next to Nyko’s and finally letting go of his friend’s hand, perhaps reassured that he’s going to be completely fine now.

“We have to try, brother.” 

“Skaikru believe they have achieved peace, and they don’t seem to intend to get revenge for what Lexa did that night, but what’s to stop any of the twelve from seeing this as an insult?” I run my hands through my hair, which for the first time in months I’d actually left out of it’s usual ponytail. I wrap a braid around my fingertips and start to play with it. “You know what our people are like, all anger and mistrust.” 

“And very eager for revenge at any opportunity.” Lincoln adds, somewhat bitterly.

Nyko seems to ignore us, figuring that we’re going to doubt this decision no matter what he says - despite us wanting it to be successful. But like I said - we grounders don’t trust easily - even our own kind. I just can’t quite believe the idea that there won’t be repercussions for opening up the Mountain’s medical facilities.

“Does Lexa know you’re alive?” Nyko asks, and I freeze. I drop my hand into my lap and try not to let it show on my face that her name has made me feel so uncomfortable.

“No, I don’t think so. Indra has agreed not to tell her until I’m ready, not that it was easy to convince her not to say anything.” I say, curling my legs up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. 

Nyko tilts his head a little, and doesn’t say anything at first as he tries to work out why I didn’t run straight to Lexa when I was released from the Mountain. Honestly, I’m not sure that I understand why she wasn’t the first person I sought out after returning to Arkadia with the Sky people. But something changed in me, living in a cage for two months made me resent the fact that Lexa didn’t burn down the whole world searching for me, because I know I’d have done that for her. 

We’d been dependent on each other, but clearly she had outgrown me at some point and I hadn’t even noticed. She didn’t need me, so I refused to need her any longer. 

“You know she’d be overjoyed to hear you’re alive.” Nyko says, and I’m sure he instantly regrets saying it at all when he sees my expression darken.

“I don’t know that at all Nyko.” I stand, not wanting to talk about the girl who was my entire world for nineteen years, and who still continues to plague my mind. “Our precious Heda left me to die, and we both know I’d have never done the same to her.”

I walk away from his bedside and I don’t even know where I’m going but I just have to get out of this place, I can’t be in this toxic environment. Ironically, it had been the least physically toxic place on the planet until Bellamy and Clarke pulled on that lever and let all the outside world in. But Mount Weather had always possessed it’s own kind of toxicity, and it had infected my brain.


	4. Chapter 4

A few days later, Nyko returned here to Arkadia, but I’ve been holed up in my room for a while now, still feeling out of sorts after our discussion about Lexa. I’ve spent months hating her, and refusing to let any other feelings about her in, but my resistance only lasted so long, and apparently it’s crumbling around me as happier memories flood my mind and I weaken. 

The necklace around my neck was a gift from her, and I haven’t taken it off since I was thirteen years old. I kept it on even when filled with rage for her, because it reminded me of the betrayal I felt. But for the past few days I’ve found my fingertips tracing the shape of the pendant unconsciously like I used to every time I felt a rush of love for her when she tucked stray strands of hair behind her ear or looked down at the ground while she laughed gently at something I’d said.

And when I think about her, I’m reminded of the fact that I never told her how I really felt. I never told her that when we spent days laid around in her room, a tangle of limbs as she read aloud to me from an old book she had found in her parents house about dragons and fairies, that it had taken all my energy not to kiss her. I had always known that she would never love me that way, not after Costia. But I tried telling my heart that, to no avail. I love- loved, Lexa more than my own life.

They found Clarke. But whoever has her managed to get away with her still as his prisoner, and Bellamy’s sporting a pretty good limp. The way Bellamy is determined to get Clarke back makes me envious, it’s how Lexa should have been about finding me. 

A knock comes at my door, and after an invitation from me the door swings open to reveal Nyko. I haven’t spoken to him since I stormed out of the medical centre in Mount Weather. I look down at the floor, a little ashamed of the fact that I took my anger about Lexa out on him when he was only just recovering from near death. 

“Hey little lion.”

“Hei Nyko.” I respond, looking up sheepishly. 

_Hello Nyko._

He smiles at me as he crosses the small room I’ve claimed as my own in the three months I’ve lived here. He sits down on the bed next to me and affectionately knocks his fist lightly against my cheek. Nyko also knew my brother, he and Lincoln were two of Zico’s closest friends, and I was always trailing around after them as a child, asking to join in with their combat training and sometimes they even humoured me. 

“How are you holding up kiddo?” He asks me and I can’t hide the truth from him, it’s exhausting pretending to be strong around everyone else and I just don’t have it in with me today. I sigh, and twirl a strand of hair around my fingers whilst I try to find the words to answer him.

“You ever heard of a Nightblood who flinches at gunfire and conflict? A Nightblood who can’t handle entering the place where she almost died without feeling like her insides are on fire? A Nightblood who feels fear and lets it stop her, not propel her forward?” I say, and it turns out the words that I found hit the nail on the head pretty well. 

Nyko tilts his head to the side as he considers this, and then smiles at me, which only makes me frown. There is nothing smile-worthy about the person I am at this moment. There is not much worth smiling about in relation to me at all, actually.

“A Nightblood can feel fear, Kleio. You’re the strongest little lion I’ve ever met.” He falters, as though he’s got something else to add but then he closes his mouth, clearly thinking that it’s not something that I’d want to hear. Somehow, I think it’s probably about Lexa. I roll my eyes at him calling me strong, I’ve never felt weaker. 

“I’m heading back to our people for a while,” he says when he realises I’m not even going to pass comment on what he’s said. I’m stubborn, and he knows that well enough not to press any further with trying to make me feel better about myself.

I frown sadly, and curse at myself for locking myself away when I could’ve spent some time with Nyko. “You should come with me, see your family, I’m sure they will be overjoyed to know you’re alive.” 

I’m pretty convinced that overjoyed is an overestimation of how my family would feel about my living state, but I can’t say that I think they’d be disappointed to see me. I doubt my father would even notice I’d been gone, but I know that my sisters and mother at least will have missed me at least a little. I play with the idea of returning home, but I know that I couldn’t stay there for long. It isn’t ‘home’ as such anymore. It is where my family live, but I don’t feel like I’d fit in there anymore but honestly I haven’t fit in there since we lost Zico. 

Finally, I nod. “Okay, I’ll come with you.” 

Nyko knows better than to let his triumph show on his face, and he nods at me as he stands. “We’ll leave in the morning.” He presses a light kiss to the top of my head before he leaves, and closes the door quietly behind him where I’m left to think about the impending reunion with my family and what that means. 

It means I’m going to have to face Lexa sooner than I anticipated, because as soon as my family know I’m alive it’s only a matter of time before it gets back to the Commander. 

I start to pack up some things, I don’t have many possessions here, just things that I have collected over the last three months but I make sure to leave a few behind to ensure that Octavia believes I will return. I know she doesn’t plan on spending much more time here in Arkadia if she can avoid it, but I know that she doesn’t intend to leave without me. I put together a small bag of clothes and a few daggers Indra brought me, and then I leave what I plan to take with me at the foot of my bed and head out to find Octavia. 

Walking through the corridors of this place freak me out a little if I really think about the fact that this ship was part of an enormous space station that was floating around in the sky. That people lived in it, lived in the sky. It baffles me, and I shake the thought away before it really gets to me. 

I’m about to push open the door that will lead me outside, I almost always head to the stables first when I’m searching for Octavia, but a voice comes from behind me, saying my name.

“Clio, I heard you’re leaving us.” Bellamy. I turn to face him a little clumsily, stumbling over my own feet and he laughs. “Well, if you’re able to stay upright that is.”

I frown at him childishly but ignore his tormenting, “I’m don’t plan to be gone long, luckily for you. Wouldn’t want you to miss me too much.” It’s pathetic, really, that part of me hopes that he will feel my absence whilst I’m visiting my family and the capital, but I try not to focus too much on that silly little desire. I’ve no time for my feelings any more, after the trouble they’ve been causing me. 

He glances down at the floor for a moment, and when he looks back up at me there’s something in his eyes that I can’t quite put my finger on, it almost seems like worry. Relations between the Sky people and the ‘grounders’ as they call us have been the closest to amicable since the Arkers came to Earth, and I don’t have a kill-order hanging over my head like Lincoln does - so this trip back to my family guarantees as much safety as possible in the world that we live in, or it would if Azgeda hadn’t attacked a Trikru unprovoked, that is. 

“Just be careful, okay. I mean, Octavia needs someone like you in her life.” It is worry after all, and I can’t hide my surprise, my eyes widening at Bellamy as he speaks and he tilts his head to the side a little when he realises that I’m taken aback by his concern, “Hey don’t look at me like that, you know you’ve become a part of this strange little family.” 

“I thought you all didn’t mind me too much, but I wouldn’t have gone as far to say I’m one of you.” I had my own shit, and they had theirs. Only a fraction of the things we had all been through were things we had been through together. I’d only known the Arkers for three months, but Bellamy was right - they were the closest thing to a family that I had currently.

“Well, you are pretty vexing most of the time, Lio.” He taunts, punching my arm lightly before he steps forward and wraps his arms around me in a hug. “I mean it, be safe.” 

“Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim.” I say in my native tongue as our hug ends, and then smile, “ _May we meet again_.” I’ve been trying to teach him trigedasleng, regardless of how reluctant he is to speak our language. It took me three weeks to convince him it was a good idea, because one day it might just save his life.

He nods, and smiles crookedly at me, “May we meet again, Clio.” 

 

* * *

The ride to the outer villages surrounding Polis takes us most of the day, but we’re not pushing our horses on as such, just enjoying being out in the wilderness. Nyko’s still sore from his run in with an Azgeda warrior, so as soon as we mounted our horses I suggested a steady journey, made up some excuse about being too tired to rush to save him from having to ask that we take it steady.

We’re about twenty minutes walk away from the village I grew up in when I realise just how close we are. Blue petaled flowers seem to suddenly spring into view, covering all of the ground except for the path that weaves its way through the floral surroundings. The trees overhead become more interspersed as we walk on, until eventually they bring us to a clearing of wooden huts that stretches further than the eye can see and in the distance, the largest tower in all of Polis comes into view. The Commander’s headquarters. 

I pull my gaze away from the tower and focus straight in front of me instead, as familiar faces come into view. Friends of my parents, a friend of my sister’s, the woman who tutored me about edible and non-edible plants when I was a child, and then Eziah, my sister. Her mouth drops open and she simply stares at me, icy blue eyes wider than I’ve ever seen them. 

“Kleio?” She asks in disbelief, and then her body springs into life and she’s running at me as fast as she can as I dismount from my horse. Eziah barrels straight into me and knocks me to the ground in a hug and all I can do is laugh, I have never seen my sister like this - had I been blindfolded I would’ve expected this behaviour from Nova, but never Eziah. 

Her face is inches from mine and she is grinning widely at me, “Are you really here? Is it really you?” She’s pinching and prodding my cheeks, nose, arms trying to make sure that she’s not just dreaming and then she sits back and lets me up from the ground, only to hug me tightly again. “Wait ’til Nova sees you!” She exclaims, taking hold of my hand and dragging me away, I open my mouth to complain but Nyko has already taken hold of my horse and is leading it with his behind us, a chuckle shaking his form, I have no excuse.

We’re not far from the house I used to call home, it’s been well over a year since I was last here, even before I was taken it had been a long time since I had returned to the place I grew up. As soon as I was old enough to leave this place, I packed up my things and stayed at Lexa’s side. There was too much of Zico here, I always seemed to catch glances of him around corners, a flash of his bright blond hair or something in my peripheral vision only to find I’d imagined it. At sixteen, I was too tired to feel my heartbeat race when I thought I saw him and so I left, and I haven’t seen a single trace of him since. Maybe he was haunting me here, trying to get me to leave like we had always talked of doing. I may have only been eight when he was taken, still a child, but Zico had been the first person to honestly, truly care about me, and for that I would never stop missing my brother. 

I notice the faces of people that we rush past are all staring at me, and it’s a peculiar feeling to have them all watching me as Eziah pulls me through them going about their daily business. It’ll have been no secret about where I was, I’m sure that my family were given endless supplies of food to comfort them in their time of loss. But people surviving the Mountain Men is unprecedented, and I wonder about the others that were saved. How were they treated when they returned to their homes, their families? Did people stare wide-eyed at them, mouths agape like they’re doing to me now? 

We reach our parent’s house, and Eziah pauses at the door before we go in to press a kiss to my cheek lightly, “I can’t believe it.” She says quietly, shaking her head to herself as she pushes open the door and we step into the house I spent the majority of my life in. 

At first it’s almost deathly silent in the house. My mother in the corner washing a pot in a big wooden barrel filled with water, my father sat in an old comfy chair, snoozing quietly and little Nova curled up on the floor drawing flowers - lost in her own little world, like always. 

Eziah clears her throat and my father wakes, and my sister and mother turn their attention to us stood in the doorway. The pot in my mother’s hand clatters to the floor, creating a loud metallic din as it bounces around and I don’t even have time to say anything before Nova is wrapping her arms around me and smothering me in kisses like I used to do to her when she was little. 

I hadn’t really been looking forward to being here, but the way my sisters have reacted to me forces the widest grin across my face in months, and I start to laugh. Really honestly laugh, and without realising it straight away, I’ve started to cry. I notice when Nova is wiping at my eyes with a sad smile, “I never thought I’d see you again Lio.” 

“I never thought I’d see you either,” I say, and then I fall apart in the arms of my sisters, crying for the first time since I left the Mountain.

Naturally, it takes nearly an hour for me to calm down and be able to speak in full sentences without hiccuping from all the crying, and I’m not sure what caused it. Relief, I think. Relief to have made it out alive. I don’t think it felt like I had really survived my time in Mount Weather until I stepped through the doors of this house, because Arkadia has felt like some very bizarre dream. By the time I’ve managed to stop crying, with Nova sat at my feet, one of her hands linked in my own as she refuses to let go of me with the fear that if she lets go I’ll vanish into thin air, I tell my family everything. Everything that I have experienced in the past six months, and they tell me things that they have heard about the Sky people and ask me if they’re even human at all. Do they look like us? What language do they speak? What is the Ark like? How did they sustain life up there in the sky?

Eziah was sent outside about five minutes into my water-work fiasco to fetch Nyko in, but he gracefully declined our hospitality and said he would visit me tomorrow, give us time to catch up. 

The entire time I’m talking, my father does not say a word, barely registers any emotion on his face and I wonder whether it is because he wishes Zico had returned, rather than me. Probably, but I spent time trying to gain his affection when I was younger, and soon learned it was much easier to leave him to his own devices. Somehow, the moment I stopped chasing my father, he paid much more attention to me than he had before. But the word “much” was perhaps a stretch. The only thing my father paid attention to was a drink in his hand. 

But today, he surprises me. When we all fall relatively quiet, he stands from his chair and places a hand on my shoulder lightly. “Mounin Kleio.”

_Welcome back, Clio._

Eziah can’t hide the shock from her face, no matter how hard she tries to. I have always loved her inability to hide her true emotions from her face, her blunt and honest nature is unfaltering and I’m glad she hasn’t let it slip.

We enjoy a family meal, cooked by Nova and my mother, and by the time we’re finished eating I’m yawning and struggling to keep my eyes open. My mother leads me to my old bed, in the same room as my sisters’, and she pulls the furs up over me and runs her hand over my hair, her eyes full of disbelief still, despite me being here for several hours now. 

“My little lion, I should never have doubted your strength would bring you back to us.” She whispers, and her eyes fill to the brim with shining tears. Happy tears, that spill down her cheeks when she smiles at me. I am too tired to lift my hand up to her cheek, but I smile back at her sleepily.

“Ai gonplei nou ste odon, nomon.” I hear myself say as I drift away.

_My fight is not over, mother._


	5. Chapter 5

I wake with a start, jolting upright in my bed and for a moment I start to panic wondering where the hell I am, but then as I take in my surroundings I remember that I’m not in Arkadia anymore, that I returned ‘home’. I still can’t really think of this place as home anymore and I don’t think it ever truly will be again. Wherever home is, it’s not here. 

My sisters are still asleep, Eziah is snoring gently and Nova has her arms wrapped around a doll our mother sewed together for her. She used to carry that thing around everywhere with her and no matter how many times our mother washed it, it was always grubby again within minutes, and even though she doesn’t take it anywhere anymore, it’s still acquired a rather interesting colouring.

I gather that the silence throughout the wooden hut that comprises our home means that I’m the first to wake, which works out well really, seeing as I’m not sure I’ll return any time soon. I’m not a fan of goodbyes, and I know that this one would be almost impossible. I’m pretty sure I’d be barricaded in by my sisters if they knew I was trying to leave. I move as slowly as I can and try not to make any noise, stepping out of my bed and collecting my blade from beneath my bed, slinging the sheath over my head so that it settles between my shoulder blades. I pad as quietly as I can through to the main room of our house where my plan is foiled by the sight of my father sat in his chair.   


I don’t even have chance to try and make up some excuse before my father speaks, “Leaving so soon?” He says, and I know there’s no point in attempting to lie to him because it’ll be written all over my face. I can lie to most people, but never to my family, no matter how much I want to fabricate something just to make it easier to leave

“I’m going into Polis. To see Lexa.” I say, it’s not a lie but it’s not exactly revealing the whole truth. 

My dad raises his eyebrows and looks off to the side as if to say that he’s not quite sure going to see Lexa is a good idea, and I hold my tongue from telling him that I’m already dreading it. What do I say to the girl who used to be my world, but who left me for dead in the hands of our enemy? I’m not sure that words will cut it, I want to make her feel the pain that I suffered. The two months of being on the brink of death might be bad enough, but I’ve felt myself being ripped apart from the inside emotionally to the point where I’m not sure who I am anymore and that’s been the worst part of this. 

I don’t think I’m the Clio I was on the day where two men in yellow suits knocked me over the head with a rock and dragged me to Mount Weather. I cringe every time I think about the fact that I was taken so easily, without even the opportunity to fight for my freedom - by the time I regained my consciousness I was in chains and suffering from a concussion so severe that it was a struggle not to throw up every five minutes. 

“Will you be gone long?” He asks me, and I have to make sure not to register the surprise on my face that he even bothered to ask. 

“Probably a day or two,” Maybe I’m better at lying to my family than I first thought. But I notice that it doesn’t seem as though my father is fully convinced by my answer. 

“If she ever lets you leave her sight again, you mean.” He says, standing from his chair and heading over to the wooden box at the other side of the room. He lifts the lid and pulls out an old jacket of Zico’s, and turns to look at me. I don’t know what to say to him, I didn’t think we had much left of Zico’s belongings. I was sure that mother had thrown them out in a hysterical fit when she told us that she felt like we were being haunted by keeping everything he had owned. My father must have saved this from my mother’s rampage. 

He walks over to me and folds the jacket over my arm. 

“He’d want you to have this.” He says and nods once before returning to his chair.

My eyes fill with tears and I open my mouth to say that I’ll be home in a few days, but my father just shakes his head at me and I know I shouldn’t even bother trying to pretend that I’ll be home soon. I will always visit, but I just can’t face living here anymore. Maybe my mother was right, maybe this place is haunted. 

“I’ll see you soon,” I say, my voice cracking a little as I speak and for the first time in years, I see my father smile. 

“See you soon, little lion.” 

I turn so he doesn’t see me cry and pull the jacket on as I step out of the door and head over to the block of stables closest to our little wooden house. When my mare spots me she nickers softly and tosses her head in the air, clearly bored of being stabled all night. I take a moment to nuzzle my face into her mane and close my eyes, trying to get my mind to clear itself of my family. I need to be prepared for what today will bring, I need to not have other things on my mind. But I’ve never found a successful way to turn my mind off, and I often fall victim to the thoughts going on in there. Sometimes I just want to scream, to block it all out. To try and get some form of peace and quiet, to just feel as though there isn’t anything to think about. 

I take a few deep breaths and then I start to saddle up my horse, there’s no use in trying to clear my mind so I might as well just get on with it. The ride to the centre of Polis will probably take me about two hours, and I’m already pretty confident that I’m going to spend every waking moment until I see Lexa’s face in person again feeling as though I might cry or hit something or just collapse onto the ground. Or maybe vomit, that’s always an option too. 

I feel like she’s everywhere, always watching me. I can’t shake Lexa from my existence no matter how hard I try and it’s turned me into this ridiculous person that I’ve become. I try desperately to remember who I used to be, and to be her again but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t recognise her if she was right in front of my face. Whoever Kleio kom Trikru used to be, she’s dead and buried now and I’ve got to live with that, and move on from it. 

I must mould myself into someone new, perhaps one day I’ll be something stronger and braver than the old Clio was, I’m not convinced that it’s entirely possible, but it’s what I have to keep believing in. 

 

* * *

**2 YEARS AGO**

The melodic sound of her laugh filled the entire room, and I felt like it grew brighter with the sound. This was the sound that pushed me over the edge. I’d been stumbling for a while, right before the fall, but it was this laugh that caught me so off guard so that I tripped and that was it. My heart was hers. Part of it always had been hers, just from us being friends. I used to give pieces of myself away to those that I love, a habit I have since been trying to quit.

I didn’t realise I’d been staring at her, a little dumbfounded I presume. 

“Kleio, yu ait?” she asked, raising one dark eyebrow at me, the smile from her laugh still playing about her lips. 

_Clio, you okay?_

I shook my head lightly to clear the haze and forced a reassuring smile on my face, well, the only part of it that needed forcing was the attempt to make it reassuring. I never needed any reason to force a smile around Lexa, it came completely naturally. I nodded my head at her and crossed the room to where she was perched neatly on the windowsill. 

This was one of the few moments we got to spend together without Costia. I loved Costia fiercely, and I still do. But from children it had been Lexa and I, until a few years previously when she found Costia and introduced her to the mix. 

I sat down at the opposite end of the windowsill, Lexa moving her legs so that we could both fit onto it comfortably together. The smile started to fade from her expression as she stared out of the window onto the rest of Polis. For the two years that the Coalition had been forming, there had been nothing but restless nights and high levels of stress as Lexa tried desperately to pull Azgeda into line. Trikru were still in conflict with them, and death tolls rose every day. Tensions had always run high between our clan and theirs, and even the threat of the Mountain was proving not quite prominent enough to convince Azgeda to push grievances aside.

“Can you take your mind off politics for all of three seconds?” I asked quietly, knowing full well where Lexa’s mind had drifted to. She sighed heavily, and a shadow of a smile faltered on her face for the briefest of moments. 

“Who knew that the honour of being chosen would cause this much chaos?” Lexa said, a hint of sarcasm lacing the word honour. Commander was a burden to bear, no honour. As Nightbloods, we’d been led to believe that being chosen would be the best day of our lives were it to happen to us, but I’d watched Lexa learn that this was all a lie. Commander meant laying down your life for anyone other than yourself, laying down your life for trying to keep the peace between warring clans while also trying to protect us all from Mount Weather. 

Lexa was only eighteen, but she had aged beyond belief mentally in her two years as Commander. No person could ever find this job easy, and no Commander before or after Lexa did or would. I understood how much she wished that she could run away from it all sometimes, but there was no person left on this planet that I believed was capable of holding the world together like she could. 

“You’re the only one who can weather this storm, I’m sure of it.” I told her, and I meant it with every fibre of my being. 

She smiled then, wide and genuine. A smile that made my stomach drop, reminding me just how beautiful she is when she smiles. Lexa reached her hand across the space between us and took hold of mine and squeezed lightly, she didn’t say thank you to many people, but then again not many people gave her reason to say thanks. 

Our quiet moment was interrupted then with no knock at the door, just the loud crash of the doors being flung wide open as Titus came thundering into the room, almost out of breath, followed by two guards. 

“Heda, it’s Costia.” Despite coming crashing into the room, when he spoke he maintained his usual decorum, straightening himself up, his hands held together in front of him. 

Lexa leapt up from the windowsill, knocking my legs as she did so. I tried not to flinch at being completely disregarded at the mention of Costia, training my attention on Titus. 

“What about her? Where is she?” Lexa demanded, frantic with worry in an instant. 

“She’s been captured,” Titus lowered his gaze to the floor, not wanting to watch Lexa’s expression as it creased with concern. I made the mistake of looking to her, and watched as she folded in on herself momentarily, being just normal regular Lexa, not the Commander. Her breathing faltered, and I could almost feel the terror piercing her heart. 

“Azgeda.” Was all that Titus said next, and that’s when Lexa looked up at me and we both knew how this was going to end. 

* * *

Memories of the life I shared with my best friend haunt me for the entire ride to Polis, and before I know it I’m nearing the centre of the city, and this is when I begin to recognise people. I pull the hood of Zico’s jacket up around me in an attempt not to be recognised by the busy throng of people walking through the markets surrounding the tower. I want my return to be a surprise, a little cruel perhaps as I’m sure Lexa thinks I’m dead but I pay no mind to her feelings, let her think she’s seeing a ghost for all I care.

I head around to the stable block on the east side of the tower, dismounting outside it and paying the stable hand a few coins to leave my horse here. He looks at me with a slight frown, as though he’s trying to work out where he’s seen me before and I make up some social event that I think I’d seen him at, laughing loudly enough that he seems to buy it and nods at me with a grin as if to say “Oh yes, I remember now” but I make sure to be quick here, not wanting to linger long enough for him to work out that I have tricked him. Feeding my mare a few mint leaves as a treat before I head through the stable block entrance to the tower. 

“Chit yu tagon?” A guard asks me, and I don’t even hesitate. 

_What is your name?_

“Eziah kom Trikru.” I say, and the guard nods his head, knowing who my sister is. Clearly, he’s never met her enough times to know that I am not her, however. I breathe a barely audible sigh of relief as he steps aside to let me through, a little unable to believe that he didn’t recognise my face. Using my sister’s name was the easiest way to gain access to Lexa undetected, the only chance I was sure I’d have. 

I barely even have to think about where I’m going whilst navigating my way through the vast expanse of this tower, I spent the best part of three years living here with Lexa, it’s closer to a home to me than the one my family lives in really, but like everything else in my life it feels completely alien now. It’s strange living your life feeling as though you’re a ghost, but I guess I’ll just have to live with this feeling in the hope that it’ll fade with time as a new normal forms. 

I flash a smile at the guards operating the elevator as I pass them to step inside it, “Level thirteen, please,” I say, a level lower than where Lexa’s room is. I’ll climb the stairs to her level, rather than have the guards question why I’m heading that way. 

The palms of my hands begin to sweat as the anticipation begins to buzz through my body. I’m not sure whether it’s excitement, anger, or just plain dread. Perhaps it’s all three, but I know that I want to see Lexa’s face when she realises I’m alive, and then the moment when it dawns on her that it’s absolutely no thanks to her. I hope the guilt hits her so hard she can’t breathe, the way that I’ve been feeling for the past six months. Like I’m drowning as she watches and laughs. It’s a nightmare that I’ve had more times than I care to admit, and the image haunts my waking hours. The elevator stops and I take a deep breath as the doors open, stepping out into the corridor. I nod at the guards, figuring that it’s less conspicuous to actually acknowledge the guardsmen than to completely avoid them as though I’m desperately wishing they don’t notice me. At the end of the corridor is the doorway to the stairwell, and I open it and begin my ascension to the level where Lexa spends the majority of her free time, probably curled up somewhere with a cup of something warm like I always used to find her when I’d come into her room. 

When I reach the top of the stairs my hand instinctively falls to the small blade I’ve strapped to my waist, I don’t plan on having to use any form of weapon to get into Lexa’s room, but it’s reassuring to feel the leather of it’s sheath against my hand. I push open the door and head out into the corridor, to find that there isn’t a single guard outside her bedroom doors. I frown, the lines that formed with it creasing my forehead. It seems strange that Lexa’s room would be left completely unattended so I proceed with caution, trying to make my footfalls as silent as possible so that I can train my hearing to everything else around me. 

Nothing, I hear nothing. I try not to let this unusual silence worry me too much, I already feel on edge as it is, being back here. On edge at the thought of seeing Lexa’s face again right in front of my eyes, not just in my memory. 

I push open one of the doors slowly, and slip inside the room, making sure to close the door quietly behind me. I take in the room, and I’m not entirely surprised to see that it hasn’t changed a single bit. Lexa’s always been a pretty avid creature of habit, not changing her ways for anyone unless it was her own idea. I head over to the window, remembering how it felt to be sat in the windowsill with Lexa countless times, just talking about the most pointless things we could possibly think of. 

I remember this room like the back of my hand. For the few years before I was taken I’d spend most of my time holed up in here with Lexa and Costia. The three of us would talk for hours, forget the politics of the world around us, the trouble brewing with Azgeda that began long before Skaikru even entered our heads. We’d actually laugh, and feel carefree for a while. Some of my happiest memories are in this room.

But then there’s those memories from when we first lost Costia. 

Lexa, curled up as small as she could make herself on the floor, refusing to move. I had to have Titus come and help me lift her into her bed, where she remained for three more days. On the last day, I heard her from time to time whispering, “Jus drein jus daun.” I was sure I had lost the Lexa I had once known. 

Now, I’m stood looking out the window, waiting for her to appear. If she doesn’t know I survived the Mountain, she will soon. 

I try to keep my expression hard, ready for when the doors will swing open but when they do I panic. I know what I must look like, like a wild animal cornered with no way to escape - terrified. I spin around and there she is. Lexa.

Her green eyes widen and her mouth actually falls open, stopping dead in her tracks as the doors swing shut behind her. 

“Kleio.” She breathes, and steps toward me a small smile playing around her lips. 

“Leksa.” I don’t know what else to say to her now that she’s right in front of me. She looks older, clearly the tension of the past year has aged her more than I expected it to. It’s only been just under six months since I saw her last, but it feels like a lifetime. 

“Mounin hou, ai lukot.” 

_Welcome home, my friend._

“This isn’t my home anymore, Leksa.” I say, it feels wrong to speak to her in trigedasleng right now. It feels too personal, somehow, to speak our native tongue. I need to keep myself as detached from her as I can manage. I can already feel the desire to crumble forming in the base of my spine, like the bones and vertebrae are willing me to drop to my knees and curl up as small as I can, to just let everything go. Let this grudge that has burned away at my stability and sanity free, to forget that I even held onto it for all these months. To let Lexa pick me back up and put me back together. To return to her side, her faithful servant who thinks she can do no wrong, to go back to being that pathetic girl in love with her best friend who is so oblivious to the way that I feel. 

No. 

It is the thought of not being my own person that keeps me strong. Before I fell in love with Lexa I was stronger than anyone thought I was ever capable of, she had always been my world but I knew how to live a life alongside her, not behind her. I didn’t want to be that shadow of a self, and I am vowing to myself that I never will be again. There are ways to love someone without letting it consume you, letting it destroy you. My love for Lexa only ate away at the person I was, and left me stuck in a cage believing she would come for me, only to be hurt beyond belief when she didn’t. 

She frowns, clearly hurt at my tone of voice and I relish it, a sly smile forming. The frown fades quickly though, as she lets the joy of my being alive come to the forefront of her emotions. “I thought you were dead, little lion.” She says, and within moments she has crossed the distance between us and is barely a step away from me. My hand returns to that blade against my waist and Lexa notices, and smiles a little. “Always angry, Kleio.” Is all she says and I let out a low growl unconsciously at her mocking. 

“You left me to die in there, Leksa.” I spit out, and her expression hardens. There is our Heda, all hard and sharp around the edges. This is who I am angry at, not the soft and kind Lexa I knew before she let her duties take over every aspect of her. 

“I struck a deal with Cage to have all of our people released. So I’m guessing that it’s me you’ve got to thank for your escape.” Lexa says, raising an eyebrow as she sits down on the windowsill lazily, a smug smile stretching over her lips.

I don’t even think about what I do next and I’m lunging at her with the blade out of it’s sheath, screaming as loud as I can as I let the anger possess me fully, it consumes every part of my body, every single cell. I am no longer human, I am anger itself. Lexa ducks away from the lunge I make for her and is up from the windowsill in a fraction of a second, and I’ve moved so quickly towards her that she’s behind me before I can even blink. She kicks out at my knee, knocking me down and forward. My forehead connects with the windowsill and the blinding pain makes my vision sear white for a moment, but I will my body to move as I can sense the next blow coming, managing to dodge it and spin around to face her. 

I don’t even get a chance to retaliate as guards take hold of my arms, alerted by the scream I let rip itself apart from my throat moments ago. Lexa’s expression is neutral as she watches the guards pull me several yards away from her, so that she’s safe from my kicking distance.

“I think our little lion could do with a chance to cool off.” Lexa says, and the amused look on her face makes me admit defeat, and I don’t even fight the guards grip on my arms anymore. She’s not even scared of me, she’s noticed how weak I still am. I used to pose a threat, but I’m like an irritated kitten in comparison to the warrior I used to be.    


“Take her to her room, lock the door.” Lexa instructs the guards, and then she crosses the short distance and takes my face in her hands, I wrench my head out of her grasp, refusing to look into her eyes. 

“I’m so glad your fight continues, Kleio. I mean it.” She says quietly, and I hate the fact that I know she’s telling the truth. 


End file.
